I believe we are living in a time of profound need for an intensive focus on restoring marriages by creating and pursuing an open, honest, responsible love. Usually, we think marriages need restoration because one partner had an affair outside the marriage. As devastating as adultery is, and by no means do I minimize the horror of this type of betrayal, my question is how does a marriage get to the place where adultery or other debilitating irresponsible behaviors implode the relationship? And is it possible to remove the debris and rebuild a broken marriage?

The above question begs us to go back and see how the relationship started even before the “I do’s.” We need to look at the relational tone which initially created the distance. Why is that so important?  In forty two years of my own marriage and in the work I do with couples, distance is the number one enemy in the home. It is so subtle and unseen but it eventually raises its ugly head in a marriage that lives in pretense and denial; where secrets are the norm.  As a result, every marriage will struggle for true intimacy and authentic love.  Relational and emotional distance must be reduced at all cost. 

I use the word “reduced” and not “eliminated” because the truth is, in our humanity we will never get to that place of perfection.  Relational distance isn’t something we can program out of our systems like using a computer to delete or back space an error on the written page as if it never happened.  But it can be contained like we contain a disease which threatens the quality of life.  That’s why for every marriage the struggle of intimacy is an on going reality. Finding this place where love excels is the place where we can be authentic with each other, even in the pain of marital disillusionment.

This idea of distance seems to have been lost in a mired of other marital issues like conflicts over sex, finances, communication, how to raise a family, job uncertainties and whether we understand each others love language.  As important a list, as that is, to be MORE Married goes deeper; into the heart, soul and mind, where each partner commits to shrinking personal and marital shadows which block their ability to engage each other.  

I believe we really can excel in our marriages but we need to be aware of our thresholds to failure. That threshold is where we go in MORE Married intensives for individual couples at risk or in MORE Married Weekends where a safe environment of small group confidentiality and accountability allows the marriage to grow and struggle well.  If you’re at the place where you think it’s time to reach for the top in your relationship, let me encourage you to take the journey so that being MORE Married is better today than yesterday.